Time To Get Personal: A Snippet of My Struggles and My Hope

I want to share a personal story about what is currently going on with my own family. I don’t often share super personal details publicly, because I want to keep some things private for my kids. Once in a while, I share publicly because I need other parents and caregivers to know that they’re not alone in some of the struggles that we face. I am always happy to share more one-to-one when other parents just need advice, validation or to vent. While I recently posted about being excited that it’s summer and I don’t have to think about school, that quickly changed. After a year of fighting for my kids and the supports that they need to be successful, I have realized that I need to look at other options. Here’s the sad thing: my kids HAVE been successful at their school for most of their time there. This past year was different, and I don’t blame my kids. I feel like I have been repeating the same thing over and over again, but it falls on deaf ears. A charter school is a public school. Let me repeat that. A charter school is a public school. What does that mean? For one thing, it means that any child, regardless of their abilities, may attend. That means that children with special needs will attend. That means that a charter school should be ready to educate children with special needs. I know there will always be kids that just need a level of support that public schools are not able to provide, however, this number should be very small. 

Switching gears for a minute. As an experienced special education teacher, I have noticed a definite change in the past few years. Many teachers and parents will say that this change has really been happening since the COVID shutdowns. Kids are coming into school differently than they used to. Special education is no longer just about reading and math, along with a few students with more significant needs. There are so many students coming into school with social/emotional needs and with behaviors. (Let’s not forget that behaviors are communicating a need!) This should not mean that schools should be pushing more kids out. It means that schools should be adapting to support a new range of needs! Let’s also not forget that kids are just that: kids. They don’t want to stand out. They don’t want to be so dysregulated that they destroy a classroom. They want to feel safe, regulated and successful. It is our job as educators to help them be successful.

Okay, let me get to what I really wanted to share. I am a parent, and now I am an advocate for other families. I fight for kids and their families. Fight seems like a strong word, as I really try to keep a good relationship with the schools that I communicate with. Sometimes, however, you have to fight. For my own kids, I know what they need. They know what they need. What we faced this year, though, was resistance. Resistance. Blame. Shame. Roomfuls of professionals saying, “We can’t do that”.

 Let me be clear - there are some amazing teachers and professionals that really cared - but sometimes, unfortunately, that’s not enough. 

After a year of struggles and fighting for the same things over and over, I had to finally make the incredibly sad realization that my kids just aren’t going to get what they really need in their current placement. That’s really hard to swallow. I can keep fighting. I can involve DESE. I can hire an attorney. The fact of the matter is that that doesn’t mean that the school is actually going to adapt and lovingly provide necessary support. My kids deserve more than that.

I am sharing this because it’s a very unfortunate reality for some parents. I have been at the table as a professional and as a parent. It sucks either way. Now I want to share something that a professional from a district school said to me yesterday. Since making the realization that our family needs a change, I have been emailing and making phone calls every day because I want to make sure I make the right decision. As I spoke to a woman on the phone yesterday about my child and what he needs, I felt ashamed when I told her that he has had meltdowns in school previously. I thought to myself that she must be thinking negative thoughts or dreading having him come there. Instead, she said, “Meaghan, we have a place for him. We have a place where he can have a meltdown with dignity”. Wow. A meltdown with dignity. Some of you may be thinking, “Okay and?” Some of you may feel as taken aback as I did. That is not something that I have ever heard before in school. I have never been told that it’s okay for my child to have a meltdown in school. Instead, I was told that nobody else felt safe around my child. Adults. Adults did not feel safe. 

He can have a meltdown with dignity. I wish I could explain the relief that this gave me and the absolute hope that it gave me for a new school. 

Sometimes, we have to make really difficult changes. Difficult for our kids. Difficult for siblings. Difficult for us, as parents. Sometimes those really challenging transitions can lead to wonderful new beginnings. Like my dandelions, which have so much hope in such a small flower, I have hope. I have hope that all of my kids will find happiness, a sense of safety and dignity. 

And if not, well, I keep fighting.